Can We Please Stop Pretending?

So here is a dream scenario:

I stand in front of a large group of people and say, “At the count of 3, let’s everyone just stop pretending!”  I count it down and then all of sudden people start saying things like, “I am not a perfect parent” and “It took an hour and a half to look like this” and “I don’t like myself very much and that is why I am such a jerk.”  Suddenly everyone is able to just drop the act, be real, and start the healing process.

It’s hard to be real, though.  We want to be the creators of our own image.  You might say that each of us wants to be a brand.  We want people to see us a certain way so that they will think certain things about us so that we can…  And that is where it gets hazy.  What exactly is the point of making people think certain things about us?  Eventually we are all found out, right?  It’s like we are living one of those romantic comedies where the guy is living a lie and the audience knows that eventually the girl will find out, then get really mad, and then they will make up if it is a blockbuster or they will go separate ways if it is an indie film.

One of the revelations that our students had at camp last week is that everyone seems to be going through something difficult.  Knowing this made it easier for them to love other people and to share their own struggles.  As they shared their struggles, they found allies going through the same thing and people who have been there before and found a way out.  Had they not had this revelation, they would have been forced to continue to manage their brand and pretend like they have it all together.

As a minister I am privy to the private lives and struggles of many of our members.  I know people who have lost their jobs, have troubles with their kids, and have problems with a host of vices.  I also have to watch many of these people try to deal with all of these things on their own because they don’t want to tarnish their image.  In most cases the truth comes out eventually, but not until a significant amount of damage has been done to their faith and their families.

So, let’s stop pretending.  Find a safe place to be yourself–your real self, not your brand.  We will all be better for it.